What’s that saying? When the going gets tough, the going gets busy? Or am I mixing up that 1980s soda stream ad – Get busy with the fizzy….?? I’m busy on a new project with my friend and now, business partner Dawn. Something that’s been in the pipeline and I know it’s going to be good because it resonates – it excites me. I want to be excited again… (steady) Having a project is good though, it provides a positive place to put my energy.

Anyway, the pain remains. Of course it does, it’s not yet over… and realising that you’ve been putting it off in order to avoid pain is HUGE… and makes too much sense to be worthy of note, strangely. If I think like that I’ll remember the first break up I had with my husband just 3 months into our fledgling relationship, when I realised that we were too different to last. I was already in love with him, already loving him… and I went away after finishing it. The pain was awful so I rescinded… I came back. I avoided the pain.

Fast forward 22 years and here I am knowing that this is the right thing to do… being brave is so hard especially when you need to be liked (hand up, I admit it!)… to have lost your husband, your lover, your best friend in one swoop is so painful it’s untrue and eventually you have to face it and feel it. And have faith that time will heal the pain. That’s the hardest thing often, when we feel it, it feels so hard to believe that it will ease.

Maybe I should call it the 3 Fs… Face it, Feel it, and Faith in the process.

I’m watching a Canadian TV series at the moment Being Erica and the episode that landed at my feet today was in fact one about this very thing. Tagged!

One particular exchange touched a nerve:

Dr Tom: You can’t avoid the pain and the pain of breaking up with someone you love even if you know it’s the right thing is unbelievably hard.
Erica: What do I do?
Dr Tom: Nothing
Erica: Isn’t that too easy?
Dr Tom: It’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do. You do nothing, you sit in it, you feel it, until time eventually takes it away…


So, that’s what I’m doing. I’ve faced it. It’s over. I’m feeling it for however long to lasts and then I will have faith that it will end, IF I don’t run away. If I don’t hide from the truth this time. I promise to stay on the right path.


And in the meantime there is poetry… and resonance.

No words needed
with this picture
just a view like night
lit from within;
your light, my love,
your light.

KS 11th September 2016




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